Foolish folly ... a Greek Tale

Ok. I screwed up - I know that now...but you have to believe me, it really wasn’t my fault...it was all just a lark, a joke, no one was meant to get hurt ...

Please understand, I didn’t start this, it just all got out of hand...and the final explosion - I didn’t plan that, it shouldn’t have happened that way...it was just meant to let off some steam...you know what these human peasants are - ‘monkey-men’ indeed, and with such vile tempers too...they just went too far by reporting me - after all I am of royal blood, and they should respect that ...

What ? You don’t know who I am ...?

Well, ‘captain’, just so you know who you are messing with, I am Argus, son of Zeus himself ...[even if the bastard never officially acknowledged me. My mother was his favorite concubine, far preferred over his own wife, as everyone well knows...so the least he could do is to call me ‘son’ - but that’s what you get when you get old...he must be at least 800 years if he’s a day... Yes, we’ve all heard the rumors that he colors his hair, and takes ‘monkey-gland shots’ to keep up his - ehm - ‘virility’... but I digress...]

I am Argus, the Watchman - they call me ‘Hundred Eyes’ because, y’know, I see all ...

It’s really a very important position, y’know... I’m in charge of many Gateways - even the portals to Atlantis ...

Yes, I know just how well that worked out ... As I said before - it wasn’t my fault ...!

The job is truly quite boring - day in, day out, you sit there shrouded in lightning, and having to listen to all these boring petitions from such petty supplicants - if it’s not the pompous priests, it’s the crazy cult-leaders who want to sacrifice some poor virgin to appease our wrath ... idiots !

Don’t they realize just how pissed off we get when they throw some poor girl into a volcano, like that would please anyone ... and what’s the deal with those stoned women at the Oracle, mumbling nonsense that no-one else can understand, and passing it off as ‘prophecy’ ... it’s all a big con, I tell you ...

What ...? Ok., Ok., I’m getting there, don’t get so impatient...sheesh, you’d think I was on trial...

Yes, I’m getting to the point...alright already, don’t get your toga in a twist...

So, as I was saying, the job is veryyyy boringgg, and so Apollo and Pan decided that we should have a little - ehm - ‘party’, y’know, just a little get together ...

It was meant to be only a few of us - I assure you, I did not invite those crazy satyrs, the nymphs, mermaids, and Cyclops - I know that they’re party animals - and more than just a little crazy...

Well, after drinking Amrit we were all a little tipsy shall we say... and I did not - ever -

intended to piss off Vulcan [I’m very aware that he’s got a temper !]

Nor was I the one who thought to write those, shall we say, bawdy limericks about his friendly mule...and no, I did not dare the sirens to tease Neptune to prove that his ‘manhood’ is bigger than Vulcan’s ...[hey, I may be stupid but I’m not crazy !]

So what happened ...?

All hell broke loose, that’s what happened ...

The two of them have never been what you might say ‘friendly’ [fire and water don’t really mix...just saying]

And yes, there was this little ‘explosion’ ... but as I said, no one was meant to get hurt ... Ok., yes, the volcano at the center of Atlantis did explode - just a little... I didn’t know that at the time those idiots were conducting one more experiment with hot crystals...

What ? didn’t they learn their lesson when they blew up the Gates and flooded the Mediterranean Seas ... just ask Noah how he liked being caught by that flood ...

Ok., Ok., he had advance warning, and those anthropoids in Atlantis didn’t... so a few of them died... but hey, look at the bright side - we didn’t, and that’s good, right ...

Right...?

Hey, what are you doing...let go of me ... you, you, ignorant barbarian...!

Who do you think you are ... just wait until my father hears about this... you’ll pay ... just wait and see...let me go, let me go...

Zeus...Zeus ...